Ugly

I don't get dressed enough.  When I was pregnant I was too huge to fit into any of my clothes, so I started buying newer, comfier clothes that would fit me.  These comfier clothes didn't require makeup or doing my hair.  It was nice but now I think it's time for a change and I don't have an excuse anymore other than just being lazy.  I need to start taking better care of myself.  I'm getting old or at least older and someday I won't have the ability to look pretty with makeup on so I've decided I'm going to try to "get ready" everyday this week.  It's already 12:30pm and I just barely took a shower, put some jeans on, and pulled a lot of hair out of my head with my brush (while simultaneously brushing the tangles out too!).  I don't plan on putting on a ton of makeup, maybe just some mascara and something to make my face not look so OLD.  Ugh! I'm so tired of getting older. Enough already!

I feel kind of bad for my husband.  Poor Timmy.  When we met, I was always wearing makeup.  I would come home from work with stage makeup minus 6 hours of sweating and on my days off, after sleeping in for the first half of the day, I would get ready, do my hair and head out the door with him.  We haven't even been married a year and I've already stopped being pretty.  I do factor in that we have a baby now and that there aren't too many places to go out and look pretty, but I confess I've been selfish expecting him to appreciate and worship my plain face and grubby mommy clothes.  And yes, it is too late.  He's stuck with me and I think being prettier would probably help delay the inevitable sucking of the romance out of our lives.

Ok. I'm just going to come out and say it.  I've been feeling UGLY.  Not just on the outside but the inside too.  I did feel pretty last week friday when I got dressed and did a gig at turtle bay.  Oh that's a funny story:


I got asked to dance at turtle bay from 7-9 in the new lounge/bar area in the lobby.  It's an easy $50 and even better it's fun too.  It was a little awkward because there were a bunch of guys there and they were drunk and shouting at me from across the lobby to come and have a drink with them.  I was happy that I wasn't dancing right in front of them, until the manager came and said we were dancing in the wrong spot and needed to go dance in front of the people drinking.  So we moved right in front of the shouting drunkards.  It was a little flattering the first time #1DrunkieFan said I was beautiful, but after that it kind of got embarrassing and then a little annoying.  Then he started pulling out his phone and trying to take pictures of me. Hahahaha.  Long story short.  Two days later I was on twitter and Jenn had sent me this picture.

Ok. So I don't feel as ugly when I think about that friday.  I got to wear a very pretty hula dress that my girlfriend let me borrow AND wear a full face of makeup with lashes too!  And I had drunk people telling me I'm pretty.  BUT the three days following it were spent in my pajamas.  I didn't leave the house except once on saturday evening and then I finally stepped out again late monday night.  Light bulb. Eureka.  OK. So now I've realized after doing this little recap that I'm feeling ugly because I haven't left the house in the past 4 days.  I did visit Jenn last night, in my pajamas.  So now I'm going to stop blahblah-ing and finish getting ready.  The little king is going to wake from his nap soon and I think we'll go for a drive.  Plus, I'm hungry!

Tim comes home tomorrow and I'm so excited!  Need to get out of this STUPID ugly funk.

Saturday Ramble

So while my other half is far across the sea, there are a few things I'm supposed to be accomplishing while he's away.  Maybe I'm being lazy, or maybe I really am incapacitated without him.  I dread going to bed at night alone and by myself.  I just lie there like an idiot, while the most random thoughts and moments from my life are relived.  I remember stupid things like when the lunch lady at hau'ula elemntary yelled at me for doing something naughty, and another funny one; in seminary, one day I sat across of Sam Spur. I used to have a crush on him in 8th grade. So in 9th grade he was across of me, and I didn't like him anymore but my eyes were really tired and I was trying so hard to keep them open I was staring at the wall above him, and trying to force them open really wide.  He probably thought I was so crazy staring at him with my bug eyes.  lol.  Anyone else have flashbacks that still make them shake their heads? Smh at myself.

So my love has gone to Australia to do some networking and get things settled for when we move there and I am supposed to be doing, all, some, and most of the following:

1.  Our taxes.  We will be filing TOGETHER!  I'm pretty excited.
2.  Advertise our car on craigslist.
3.  Sell stupid baby monitor that I told Tim not to buy!  I'm sorry honey, but I told you so! (love u Timmy)
4.  Take car to get serviced at certified Mazda dealer
5.  Pack, pack, and more packing
6.  Sleep train the little king
7.  Plan and prepare for wedding party in Oz.  I'm not even going to try to list the details for this.  It might make me crazy and I'm trying to write so that I wind down for bed.  So I can avoid, hopefully, the crazy flashbacks of all my dopey moments.
8.  Last but not least, I have to figure out what I'm going to do to help support my family.  I will probably have to work when we move, which will be another adventure in itself.  Maybe I can attach myself to some dance studio there and try to get some gigs.  And then maybe I'll be able to finish school online... I'm also thinking about volunteering at some preschools since that's the field I'm going to school for. Ah... we'll see.

I just got home from having a really fun, spur-of-the-moment, mexican dinner with two of my Bjs.  We had to ambush Sanoe in order to get her to join us (just one of the many tricks that come with my powers of persuasion. My prowess. hahaha!).  I told her we were coming over, and I guess she didn't hear or understand me, because we showed up and she was in her pink flowy nightie!  Then Aunty Sugar Rush Jenn made Sanoe's boys go into hyperdrive just in time for Sanoe's hubby to come home and take over, while we stole her away!  Dinner was yummy!  Thank you Jenn for buying dinner!  "You're so sweet." (pause... you can just tell me on facebook how sweet I am) But really you ARE so sweet!  It's so nice to hang out with the girls and to fall into all of our old memories and of course, to make new ones too.  Next stop DUKES!

I'm so lucky my mom likes to babysit Nainoa.  She's the best!  Five minutes before I arrived home she texted me to let me know he was being fussy.  It took a while, and a lot of tears to get him back to bed but he finally fell asleep.  I'm trying to "sleep train" him again because my doctor said that now is the time to do it, and the longer I wait the harder it will get.  My doctor's pretty cool.  Nainoa got his 3 shots that day.  He was such a little champ and we were both really brave about it.  I woke at 4am to find he had a fever and also a huge stinky surprise in his diaper.  I gave him some child's acetaminophen and then let him sleep by me.  He woke a little warm this morning but he hasn't been grumpy at all, so I know he's okay.

We went to Kamehameha School's Ho'olaulea to meet my uncle stan, his wife, and my cousin Anna.  Ho'okena, one of my favorite Hawaiian bands, was performing and they sing my favorite rendition of the song Poliahu.  The girls from Hawaiian Ensemble began to dance to it and I almost cried.  There is so much mana in hawaiian music and hula and I am so easily moved and swayed by it.  It's like this huge swelling inside me that I can't even begin to explain.  Someday I'll figure out how to put it into words.

I'm waiting for Tim to get home and skype me.  He went to the movies on his own tonight and then dinner too.  I feel bad because every time I know he's going to go away I get really grumpy like five days before his departure, and then the day of and day before it starts to dawn on me... Love makes people so unreasonable sometimes!  Ok, it's not loves fault. I'm just silly.

And that's my day.  I miss my sweetheart.

Mama

I've been sitting here since 2pm today working on a research paper for my english class.  I'm so exhausted but I feel the need to blog about what's been going on with us lately.

Nainoa made 6 months on the 18th.  We bought him a cute grey billabong t-shirt to celebrate.  He's such an amazing little person and I still can't believe how lucky I am.  He's been babbling and making tons of different sounds.  He's says dadada, and tries to make a poopoopoo noise, and best of all he has started to say mamama.

Ok. So that's really all I wanted to blog about.  My baby is starting to say Mom.  He just woke up about 15 minutes ago and I was going to let him cry it out for a little bit, in hopes that he would drift back to sleep, but then he said it for the first time.  It was clear very distinct, "maaaaamaaaa!"

Yes Nainoa, being your mom is the best!

That being said, I have no patience to sit in this chair any longer.  We have a 6month appointment tomorrow! And shots. sad face. Good night neverland!

Playtime

Nainoa is going to be a singer! 

Tokyo Disney Reunion

Here are few pictures from Rocky & Capella's wedding. :)

TnT!

I love my boys!

The happy couple

Kiki Kunimatsu, The newly wedded Heather Ruth, me, my little sweetheart, and the lovely Leolani Gallardo.  Kiki is a promoter in Japan and used to give me a lot of side gigs.  Heather and Leo are two of my girls from my first year in Japan.  It's so funny you only spend a year with some people and you forge a connection and friendship that you know will last a lifetime.  Love these women!

Tokyo Disney Alumni

2007-Present

Stuck my knee in the mud!  Oops!

Rocky, Timmy, and the Little King

Napua (my other disney hula sister) was in town with her little girl.  We spent the day cruising in haleiwa.  Poor Mahinatea was so sleepy.  This picture looks so wrong! But I promise we weren't choking her just for the picture.  (sidenote:  I was holding Nainoa, so I'm not responsible for that!)

My pretty friend with her pretty baby who went topless all day.  (The baby not the mom)

And my handsome boy

Emergency Rooms: Beware!

Tim had a freak surf accident.  His board popped up and cut him right below the eye.  He wasn't sure if he'd need stitches or not so he got out of the water and drove to the closest medical facility.  The only thing open on Sunday around is here Kahuku Hospital's Emergency Room.  I drove to the hospital to meet him and we realized the cut wasn't that bad and he might not need stitches after all BUT we decided he should see a doctor to make sure we got it cleaned and looked at.  We were both a little worried about the cost of the ER because he doesn't have health insurance and we asked the guy who's supposed to be the financial officer in the ER if he knew or could give us an estimate of how much it would cost.  He set-aside our concerns and told us we can talk about that after and that we should just get Tim taken care of first.  Tim asked him again, "but do you know how much it might cost."  Again the guy told him the same thing and tried to distract us with hospital forms and a medicaid application to help pay the hospital costs.

We saw the doctor and didn't need anything done.  The cut was cleaned and had strips put on it (like bandaids).  I had to run home back to Nainoa so my mom could go to church and Tim went to sit with the financial officer to turn in the forms.  The guy pulled out a standard form which had estimates for the ERs charges.  WTF!?  They wanted $500!  We got a bill in the mail yesterday and the actual bill is $847!  The doctor saw Tim for less than 5 minutes and all he did was put a piece of tape over the cut and they want that much money!  RIDICULOUS!

I was initially going to post some pictures on the blog tonight but I got distracted doing research on patient right's etc. and now I'm just irritated so I'm blogging about this instead.  I feel like the financial officer and the hospital are just DESPERATE for money and that they were really dishonest.  Tim was obviously not seriously injured.  He might've needed stitches but we couldn't tell for sure.  If we had known they would charge more than $200 we would've waited for the next day and gone somewhere else for medical attention (which is why we asked).  While doing my research online tonight I also found several articles about how many hospitals are closing because the govt. requires them to provide health services to people who can't pay.  It just seems like a vicious cycle to me.  Hospitals know a lot of people who come in can't pay so they set their costs high to make up for it.

I won't even start on how the american healthcare system is ridiculously inadequate. Ugh!

I feel like the financial officer should've told us what the estimate would be.  We asked him a straightforward question and he gave us a beat-around-the-bush answer.  Isn't that dishonest?  I feel like this HUGE financial obligation being thrust upon us could've been avoided if he had just told us straight up how much it would be and let us decide if our situation merited staying at the ER.  ESPECIALLY SINCE IT'S SOOO MUCH MONEY!  What, does he think money grows on trees?  I'm sure that in many and most cases telling a prospective patient how much debt they'll be in could deter someone who is need of serious medical attention.  But really!  For what looks like a cut on the face couldn't he just be straightforward with us?  If anyone is a healthcare professional please enlighten me.

So, if you are ever faced with going to the emergency room.  Don't go unless it's a serious frickin' emergency.  Like life or death emergency!  Stitches and cuts to the face I guess can wait till the next day?  I've never had to have them so I don't know.  Ugh stupid Kahuku hospital I feel like I've been cheated!  Even though I haven't paid anything yet.  How dare you ask me for $847 because you put a bandaid on my husband's face.  I believe you deserve to charge a fee but you do not deserve nor have you earned the fee you are asking.

I Didn't Do Nothing!

I surfed every day this past week!  I was so exhausted in the surf on Friday I knew I'd have to take a break on saturday.  It's a good thing there were no waves for me today because I probably would've tried to go out.  So today I did NOTHING.  I know I should probably say "I didn't do anything."  But it's too late.  I said what I said.  You'd think I'd feel rested and rejuvenated but instead I feel BLAH.  I went for a walk today, watched my son be constipated, and didn't do any chores!  Lazy az.

On another note, here is a frickin hilarious story about how my son was constipated today and he started to squeal when he finally pushed out his first ever poop with a little solidity to it.  Poor little guy.  We are taking a break from solid food until he pushes out his next #2.  The end.

My mom probably wouldn't like this but I took a video of her playing with Nainoa today.  It was so cute.

So cute yeah?

So while I didn't accomplish much, I feel like I need to count my blessings so that I can go to bed in a better state of mood, state of mind, you know.

I'm alive.  I'm a mom.  Family.  Health.  Friends.  I live in paradise.  I don't have to work a 9-5 (yet) and get to spend all of my days with one of my best friends since the beginning of time.  AND of course I get to wake up to the love of my existence, my other best friend, everyday.  Life is good.  I get to give and receive love.

So now it's time to sleep and we'll see if I have the guts to get out of bed and take my son to church tomorrow.  I've been wanting to go but I haven't...